Lawyers' life - 2

Lawyers' life - 1

Pain in the Ass - No penetration required

I am sorry but I just can’t leave the sodomites alone. I have openly declared that I am a fan of sodomy story (please do not interpret this as I am a sodomite; I am referring to the Anwar Sodomy Case II), and therefore how can I not write something about it from time to time?

Before we go any further, let’s see what the definition of “sodomy” is:

- intercourse via the anus, committed by a man with a man or woman

- anal copulation by a man inserting his penis in the anus either of another man or a woman

(Source from Google)

This is not a porn site and we are discussing about the act of sodomy from the medical and academic point of view. However, if you find this topic disgusting, please stop reading.

Based on the above definitions, we can safely draw a conclusion that, in order to accuse someone of sodomizing another, you must, at least, prove that:

(a) the “sodomizer” is a male with penis (I know you will say this is a stupid statement ,as all males are born with a penis. I don’t want to argue with you but I would strongly advise you to pay a visit to Chow Kit Road or Jalan Goh Hock Huat, Klang, and then tell me whether you are still 100% sure that all males are attached with a penis); and

(b) the “sodomizer” must insert (also known as “penetrate”) his penis in the anus of another human being (this human being can be either a girl or a boy, as all human beings are given an anus).

Ok, now, will you believe me if I were to tell you that someone is capable of sodomizing another fellow human being without inserting his penis in that human being’s anus?

Remember I talked about the magic show performed by our government in demolishing buildings as big as a 50,000-capacity stadium without the assistance of any explosive or external device? I honestly thought that our government is already a great magician. After all, who on earth can collapse a one-year-old building in broad daylight without explosives?

Anyway, I recently found another magician who can perform even better tricks. He is none other than our PKR advisor, Anwar. What can he do?

Read this report. According to the medical report of Hospital Kuala Lumpur, which was endorsed by 3 specialists, there was no evidence of penetration on Mohd Saiful Bukhari Azlan – the complainant who was allegedly sodomized by Anwar.

Wow, even if the anus of Mohd Saiful was never penetrated, he could nevertheless still “feel the pain in the ass” and accuse Anwar of doing such an indecent act on him. To fortify his accusation, he even swore on the holy book. I don’t know if Mohd Saiful is telling the truth, but if he is, then I must present a certificate to Anwar, certifying that he is the best magician on earth.

If Mohd Saiful is telling the truth and Anwar gets convicted and sent to jail despite documentary evidence showing that Saiful’s anus was never penetrated, what does that mean? The only conclusion I can make is – Anwar is able to penetrate someone’s back without actually penetrating someone’s back. Does that make sense to you?

Well, I suppose in this bolehland we share the same motto with Adidas - impossible is nothing.

Malaysia, a safe place

How reliable is the result of a survey? Can we place too much trust on it?

If you trust surveys, then you would have to take it that 45% of Malaysians are happy with our current PM, and only 16% disapproves him. However, I for one cannot find anyone I know that can, will or want to say anything good about him. Thus, according to my “survey”, his approval rating is a big fat “0”.

Nevertheless, let’s not waste time on him. It is meaningless to read too much into the 45% “thumbs up”. We all know what to do when the ballot box comes.

Today, I want to highlight another survey, which was conducted on a global scale. According to the Global Peace Index (GPI), an annual ranking of the world's nations on the basis of how peaceful they are, Malaysia is the 26th safest place in the world. On top of the list is New Zealand, followed by Denmark, Norway and Iceland.

Yes, Malaysia is the 26th safest place in the world. If you don’t believe it, hold your breath now, the next revelation is even more shocking: Malaysia is the 3rd safest place in Asia – only Japan and Singapore performed better than us!

When I was in Shanghai, I really felt safe. I did not have to worry about my wife although she walked to the subway alone everyday – sometimes at night. During summer, some residents even slept on the walkway without the fear of being mugged.

But according to the survey, Malaysia ranked higher than China.

Well, I guess we should give our police force a big hug and a big thank you. Good job indeed. Thanks for making us the 3rd safest place in Asia.

From today onwards, we should remove all the gates and grills that make our houses look like prisons. We should stop hiring private security guards to patrol our neighborhood. We need not worry too much if our wife or daughter comes home late. Before we sleep, there is no need to check all the doors and windows to make sure they are securely locked. Also, we do not need to waste money installing alarm system.

Because, Malaysia is the 3rd safest place in Asia.

And why do you lock your car door before fastening the seat belt? Why do you constantly on alert when you are walking alone in the dark? Why do you keep a pepper spray in your handbag? Nobody will walk to you with a parang. All those fear are unnecessary. The stories you read about people got chopped, stabbed, raped, murdered, kidnapped or snatched are just isolated incidents and do not reflect the state of crime in Malaysia.

Because, Malaysia is the 3rd safest place in Asia.

Do you feel safe now?

So, what are you waiting for? Go unlock all your grills, doors, and windows now; see if you can sleep tonight.

You can’t? I am not sure who can.

Kecelakaan Buatan Tempatan 3

Have I told you that the work of our government is more entertaining than the street magic of David Blaine? David Blaine might be able to make a card in his hand disappear but I doubt he could make a building, such as a huge 50,000-capacity stadium, disappear or demolished under the sun without the help of explosive or any external device.

David Copperfield did once make the Statue of Liberty disappear; but he did it at night and he used a piece of cloth to block our view when he did his tricks. Ask Copperfield to do it in the morning and throw away the cloth, see if he could still do the tricks.

Believe it or not, our government can do what David Blaine and David Copperfield can’t. Don’t believe me? Read this. The roof of a 1 year old stadium collapsed. Yes, please repeat after me “satu lagi projek Kerajaan Barisan Nasional!”

Are you shocked or surprised? I am definitely not. When a building in Tasik Banding collapsed years ago, I already gave our government a certificate with my signature on it endorsing that they are the best magicians on earth. They surely make people like David Copperfield and David Blaine feel ashamed. Therefore, if they could pull a stunt like this, why should I be surprised?

However, the stadium-magic show is not over yet. The show is still on. Collapsing the roof is just the beginning of the magic trick.

What is the next trick that follows? Watch carefully, they will make another thing disappear very soon. What thing? The thing called “accountability”. Yes, no one will be held liable for this unfortunate incident. No head will roll and no balls will be nailed to be wall. Life goes on. And a new contractor will be asked to do the repair work, of course, at additional costs.

The State Public Works Department director, Rosly Zainal, when approached by reporters, has refused to comment. Again, not a surprise. I will be surprised if he opens his mouth to apologize and claim responsibility.

Remember the collapsed building in Tasik Banding? Was anyone asked to answer?

But on second thought, I should not claim that the BN government can make “accountability” disappear. Because, before you could make a thing disappear, that thing must first exist, then only it could be disappeared. Right?

Since when does the notion of accountability exist in Malaysia?

Again, after me please “SATU LAGI PROJEK KERAJAAN BARISAN NASIONAL”!

.

“na… ar… lah… oh… huh… har?... err…”

How hard is it to be a chairman of a government authority?

I am not talking about being appointed as a chairman but, instead, carrying out duties as a chairman of a government authority.

What kind of capability must such a person possess before he is qualified to be appointed as a chairman?

I do not know. I do not know any such chairman personally, so I really can’t comment.

But I would think that, at least, the chairman must be able to speak English clearly (if not fluently), and handle a press conference confidently. I think that is a minimum requirement.

If he does not know how to read financial statements, I can understand. After all, not everyone receives training in accountancy.

If he does not know how to write a formal letter, I can understand. After all, he can always instruct a lawyer or other qualified persons to do it on his behalf.

If he does not know how to manage, I can still reluctantly understand. After all, there must be a dozen of managers under him to manage the office for him.

But, if he can’t express himself clearly or can’t speak like a chairman, and handle a press conference with confidence – a task which he must personally perform – then I can’t understand why such a person was appointed as a chairman in the first place.

People are now asking questions on why PKFZ lost so much money. They are perusing the PWC’s report to find out the reasons.

I am too busy to read the entire report, which can be downloaded F. O. C. However, if you really want to know why PKFZ screwed up so badly, you really don’t need to waste your time reading the thick report. Just look at the person appointed to head the Port Klang Authority, and you will know why.

See the video below.



You still need to read the report? I have better things to do.

Someone has started campaigning…

The next general election is a few good years away but some people have already started campaigning for the Opposition. Oops, my bad. I should say “Pakatan Rakyat” instead for they are the legitimate government of 5 states (Perak included).

I am not talking about the coming by-elections in Penang and Kelantan but referring to the coming general election which involves the whole Malaysia.

Yes, these people have been very busy for the past few weeks persuading Malaysian voters nationwide to vote for Pakatan Rakyat. They are relentless and hardworking agents of Pakatan Rakyat. They will not stop or slow down until they are confidently sure that the vast majority of the Malaysians will vote for Pakatan Rakyat come next general election.

Who are these agents?

They are none other than our Royal Police Force.

Why? Look at the video clip below; and tell me, after watching it, will you still want to vote for Barisan Nasional? I seriously doubt so. Therefore, are they not the best campaigner for Pakatan Rakyat? They have been working non-stop to help the Pakatan Rakyat since our new Prime Minister took office.



Knowingly or unknowingly, our police force has been working unbelievably hard in reminding us on a daily basis that our votes are sacred, and that we must exercise our voting rights carefully and responsibly.

Need some example of how hard they have been working in favour of Pakatan Rakyat? Ok, let me give you some.

To antagonize the NGOs so that they will rally behind Pakatan Rakyat, the police arrested BERSIH coordinator, Wong Chin Huat, on some frivolous grounds.

To secure the votes of the 13,000-strong Malaysian Bar, the police arrested 5 legal aid lawyers who were at the police station merely to discharge their duties.

To make sure that each and every ordinary Malaysian citizen is a staunch supporter of Pakatan Rakyat, the police force intentionally or unintentionally lets the crime rate uncontrollably go north.

To remind us, especially on our birthday, to vote for Pakatan Rakyat, the police arrested Jenice Lee (Teratai ADUN) who was, at the time of her arrest, singing birthday song and wearing black of course.

To help Pakatan Rakyat wins the votes of those who advocate the rule of law, the police unlawfully stormed into the Perak state assembly and threw out the lawful speaker.

The beauty of it is: Barisan Nasional still innocently thinks that the police are with them in their quest to regain lost ground.

The general election is still a few years away, so, PDRM, keep up the good work! Don’t let the fire burnt out. Work harder and arrest more. Do not give up. Please scream “tangkap tangkap tangkap” every time you see a crowd wearing black until no one in Malaysia wears black anymore. Then you may come to Klang to shoot some crows – they are wearing black too and their assembly on top of trees is surely without permit.

Please don't score so many As...

Before I touch on the subject matter, I would like to tell you a story.

In a very remote village, there are a few schools. Some schools are adequately funded, so they could build 100 meter tracks for the student to sprint on (let’s refer to these schools as “100 Meter Schools”); whereas other schools only have 50 meter tracks (“50 Meter Schools”).

Consequently, the students of 100 Meter Schools are trained to sprint for 100 meters; whereas those of 50 Meter Schools are trained to sprint for 50 meters only.

The students of both schools run equally fast and are great sprinters. However, as the students from 50 Meter Schools are never trained on how to run on a 100 meter track, they could not run the full 100 meters. They have to stop after 50 meters or otherwise, they will run out of air and faint.

Every year, the sports committee of that village selects 5 sprinters among all the schools in the village to represent the village in the state-level tournament. The 5 sprinters selected will be given new sport shoes, personal trainers, training allowance etc.

Unfortunately, the state-level tournament does not have 50 meter dash event– it only has 100 meter dash event. Naturally, only students from the 100 Meter Schools are selected to represent the village.

After a few years, the students from 50 Meter Schools become very unhappy and protest. They claim that the selection process is unfair as they, who could not run the full 100 meters, do not stand a chance to be picked by the sports committee. They demand that the selection process and criteria be amended, so that they could also represent the village and, in return, receive the perks that come with the representation.

The sports committee quickly holds an emergency meeting to discuss this matter and find a solution. After some lengthy discussions, they come out with a brilliant idea.

The chairman of the sports committee announces that, from today onwards, all the 100 meter tracks built on the 100 Meter Schools must be demolished and replaced with 50 meter tracks. All students from that village, regardless of whether they are originally from 100 Meter Schools or 50 Meter Schools, will not be allowed to be trained to run 100 meters. They could only sprint for 50 meters and must stop thereafter.

The chairman explains that these new measures are to ensure that each and every student stands an equal opportunity to be picked by the sports committee.

Can you see the problems with the committee’s decision?

Instead of building 100 meter tracks for the 50 Meter Schools so that the students could learn how to run the full 100 meters and thus compete with the students from 100 Meter Schools, the committee decides to demolish the 100 meter tracks and force everyone to run 50 meters only. When you already have students who have the capability to run 100 meters non-stop and bring glory to the village, why stop them from doing so and limit their capability purportedly in the name of fairness?

If you are now laughing at the committee chairman, please don’t. It is not funny.

The above story may be fictitious but it happens in the real world. Let’s look at what our Education Minister said recently.

It was reported in the Star (22 May 2009) that students sitting for the SPM examination may not be allowed to take as many subjects as they like in future to make the scholarship selection process fairer. The Govern­ment might limit the number of subjects taken by students in the SPM for fairer Public Service Department (PSD) scholarship selection.
The Education Minister said the idea was raised as students in fully residential schools were only allowed to take a maximum of 9 subjects and those in rural areas too had to take fewer subjects due to a lack of facilities.

He said that when students from residential or rural schools who scored 9 As were given PSD scholarships, those who scored a higher number of As in other schools became displeased, but not selecting those from the first two categories would be unfair as they could not take more subjects even if they wanted to.

So, as a conclusion, instead of finding ways to help the students from residential or rural schools to take more subjects, the Government tells those who are able, “Don’t take so many subjects and score so many As ar… not fair ar…”.

Funny?

V for Vendetta – The Khir’s Suspension

TENG FINALLY GETS HIS LAST LAUGH.

Understandably, that must be the general public perception now. Whether they are right or wrong, you can’t really blame the men on the streets (me included) for thinking that there is inevitably element of biasness in the punishment imposed by the rights and privileges committee against the “Khir & Associates”. The Pakatan Rakyat Government may scream until the heaven falls that they have acted fairly and Khir was afforded a fair trial in accordance with the rules of natural justice. However, like it or not, politics is about perception.

I am not going to offer my view on whether the judgment of our Speaker, who is also the chairman of the privilege committee, has been tainted with vindictiveness. Suffice for me to say that I sincerely believe that our speaker is a man of integrity, and the Selangor people are fortunate to have him as our speaker.

Nevertheless, I wish to observe this episode from a different angle. Just for a short moment, let’s forget about the laws, rules, standing orders, legal arguments etc. Let’s not try to be a political or legal expert; but appreciate this whole episode as purely and innocently as possible.

What are the undisputed facts?

(1) The Select Committee on Competence, Accountability and Transparency (Selcat) is a lawfully constituted body;

(2) Khir was summoned to appear before the Selcat;

(3) Despite being summoned, Khir failed to turn up; and

(4) Instead of defending himself before the Selcat, Khir made disparaging remarks and negative statements about the Selcat in the media and on his blog.

Should Khir be punished?

In this connection, allow me to share with you my personal experience. When I was in junior 3, my class was chosen (read: forced) by the school to support our school’s debate team in an inter-school debate competition. All students in my class were requested to go to Confucius School in Kuala Lumpur on one Sunday to “show our love for the school”. To add salt to the wound, we had to pay for our own bus fare.

Naturally, we were very upset for our well deserved weekend holiday was “unjustly” disturbed. However, we were not going to just sit there quietly and let them think we could be easily bullied. As a sign of protest, instead of supporting our school’s debate team, we cheered for the opposing team and booed our own. Our headmistress was there, and it was quite an embarrassing scene for her.

Nevertheless, I firmly believed that the school has no legal or moral authority to force me to support my own team. What’s wrong with supporting the other side? Hey, I paid for the bus ticket and I could support whoever I like. I was very confident that I did no wrong and should not be punished whatsoever.

However, I was also not naïve enough to think that my action has no consequences. A few days later, I was served with a written notice to see the headmistress. I knew they were trying to get me. I knew the meeting was to set me up. I did nothing wrong, so I refused to meet her.

Ha! That was my fatal mistake. By refusing to meet my headmistress despite being formally notified, I voluntarily gave the school a perfect reason to punish me, and the school grabbed the opportunity without hesitation.

Should I be punished? I think so. Not because I refused to support my school’s debate team, but because I refused to meet my headmistress and thus, disrespected her. For as long as I wear my school uniform and consider myself a student of the school, I must respect my headmistress – there’s no two way about it.

Now, back to Khir’s situations: should he be punished?

Khir may be as innocent as a new-born baby with respect to the Balkis affairs. I don’t really care. He should have told his version of the truth at the inquiry, and let the people judge. But since he willfully refused to dignify the inquiry conducted by the Selcat, which is a lawful body recognized by law, by failing to turn up despite being summoned, he then cannot escape punishment. He must face the music and is not entitled to cry foul now, alleging that someone had acted in bad faith to get him.

Like me, who disrespected my headmistress, Khir too should be punished.

Was the punishment meted out too harsh?

To consider whether a punishment is fairly imposed, one must look back at the previous punishments imposed against other offenders for similar offences, and make a comparison. The lawyers will tell you to “check the precedents”.

In this connection, let’s look at the punishment received by our current speaker when he, as a symbolic act of protest, threw a misprinted and void copy of the standing order into a waste paper bin. I reproduced here below a quote from the speaker’s blog:

“My 5-meeting-day suspension which tantamount to one year as the assembly only sits for about 5 to 6 days a year began from 25.4.2005. Subsequently, the Committee of Privilege imposed an automatic extension of 6-month suspension after the one-year suspension which has just begun.

After the 6 months, if I refuse to apologize in a manner acceptable to the House, there will be another extension of 12-month suspension. That means it is 30 months all together, setting a new record as the longest suspension in the Commonwealth legislatures.”

The above punishment was undoubtedly supported by Khir at that material time.

Therefore, if the punishment for throwing a misprinted and void standing order attracts 30-month suspension, what would the adequate punishment for wilfully refusing to appear before a select committee be?

Reading this Khir’s suspension episode under this light, wouldn’t you agree that the 1-year suspension imposed against Khir appears, perhaps, too light?

.

A New Chapter

Many things had happened since the last time I blogged: I have left China for Malaysia, and am now a junior partner of a small legal firm in a small town.

Legal practice in Malaysia is certainly very different from that in Shanghai. After all, Shanghai is a world-class metropolitan with a population equals to Malaysia’s; while Klang, the town I am now living in, is a humble port city with a fraction of Shanghai’s GDP.

This blog ‘Toh is Malaysian’ is of different nature compared to my old blog “Toh in China”. “Toh in China” aimed at recording my feelings, experience in China, whereas “Toh is Malaysian” seeks to provide a small platform for an ordinary Malaysian citizen like me to express my opinion, joy, anger etc. with reference to events that take place domestically or even internationally.

The views presented in this blog are purely mine, and are my true feelings at the material time of publishing. They may or may not be accurate or justifiable, but they are my views nevertheless.

Malaysians are now being led by a new administration which promises “1 Malaysia” – whatever that means. Multiple slogans were thrown at us by the previous administration and those slogans were proven as just slogans and nothing more. “1 Malaysian, People First. Performance Now” is the latest slogan hurled at us. Will this beautiful slogan, which carries ambiguous interpretation, bring happiness, betterment, development to Malaysia? It is still too early to tell.

I am no political analyst and this is certainly not a political blog. If you want to read about professional views on the current affairs of Malaysia, there are better blogs out there to satisfy your thirst. If you want to read about some trash just to kill your time, this is not the place for you. So, what is this blog about? Well, I too am not sure for I have not even started it!

I plan to write about whatever that flows in my mind, and if you are inspired, touched, angered or in any way affected by my articles, you are most welcome to drop your comments to share with me.

.